I guess it's been a meltdown spring

I'm still not sure if I can be counted as one of the casualties, I continue to avoid the public... sounds like there is one hell of a flu out there.

It's Sunday night... I'm finally feeling normal... usually I catch about 12 hours of sleep on Saturday and I then assdrag till Sunday morning then feel much better... catch an afternoon nap... and that is my weekend. This weekend has been fits and starts of 6 hour naps and 8 hour awake periods.

I was watching "Trading Places" this weekend, as a kid.. I don't know what it was.. maybe being the opposite of my rural upbringing... but some kids wanted to be a fireman or policeman... I wanted to be a stock broker... I wanted to wear a suit... This would be extra funny if you knew what a grungy dirt worshiper I am. I was reminded that at one point, I wore polo shirts, and wanted to make big money. It makes me wonder where I got the idea, funny thing was that seeing "wall-street" made me rethink that..... you know how kids are.

It's crazy to me, that I keep managing to make money doing this... I keep seeing it as a dream that I swear should end at any moment.... an unknown manic depressive episode.... with delusional overtones... and yet the money keeps coming.. and it keeps going up.

The dream of a child....... it seems like maybe this was the path I may have needed to chase my entire life... maybe it is my bliss... but it sure is difficult... I umn.... there was something I was hearing or remembering about how... Even though something is so Shitty to do, that is so miserable.... but that you love it so much you are willing to keep going with it... that tells you what you should be pursuing...

I guess maybe that counts in love as in Work... if you don't love it, enough to suffer... it's probably not what you should be doing with your life.... The idea that I can make money Trading these stupid little pieces of paper.. that mean nothing... I guess the same is true for those green pieces of paper that sit in our wallets too.

Well.....

I haven't posted here in a while..... Apparently I'm ducking Julie... worse is I'm ducking everything.

my "new lifestyle" is very difficult, I continue to struggle to get enough exercise... I eat poorly... well not too bad, I do eat tons of fruit, vegies that sort of stuff... but by no means to I have things under control... I'll eat 2 breakfast meals.. half a lunch then nothing for dinner... and all kinds of eating Chaos...

Well this post it turning into crap.

After what is a brutal week of Reading news, and watching stocks... Excessive stress... I fall asleep at 6pm on Friday... wake up at 1 or midnight... then I .... Muddle for about 6 hours, then fall back asleep... awake for 8 hours.. back to sleep... then 6 more hours of sleep... I literally crash for most of the weekend, barely able to do anything, watch some movies, ....

i have no doubt there is a better way... probably if I would get some exercise or force my way into a more regular schedule I'd find it healthier or better.... it's kind of like.. I can't manage to get enough sleep... and yet it's not enough on the weekend... I wonder if I would get more mental rest if I would meditate or something.

unfortunately that is all I have.

Tour of California

Sounds like stage 3 must have been cool....

The great Swindlhurst is in 40th place.. moving up....

and it looks like Levi has it in the bag.... only about 16 people within 4 minutes....

I'm bumbed I missed what ever it was... unfortunatly the telecast is roughly before my bed time these days.....

Fantisy

I keep having day dreams, they keep escelating...... a lot of "what my life would be like if I were rich....."

Dreaming of homes in Portugal/Spain, Arizona, Venice beach, South Carolina, Florida, Main, Brazil, Argentina.... Sky is the limit...

My main concern is more the lack of lucidity. I'm suspecting it has to do with the massive snows that have me locked in. Other weird stuff going on, just spring stuff I think.....


Deep down I know I'll manage to sabotage making any real money before it happens.... feels more like a dream... I'll be waking up from any moment.

I've messed up my sleep schedual.... naping away most the day.. Exhausing week, I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my weekend...

Updates and other musings

I umn.... My upset stomach seems under control for now.. Liberal doses of cheese seems to be working.... Just for the sake of a digestive tract update.

Middle... work my way out.

I have this thing about people who say "I'm Busy".. truth is we are all busy.. it's just that what they are saying is "your not a priority"... which is generally fine... especially when dealing with frivolity. It's very disingenuous.

I managed some good sleep last night.. 6 hours plus a nice midday nap. Then I fell asleep between 8-9 and unfortunately woke up at midnight. I'm still hoping to grab a few more hours... it is the weekend.... I could use a nice beer.

There are a few people that I have left hanging, some emails I have yet to respond to this week... I honestly just don't have the energy to respond right now. Hopefully I can get to it this weekend.

I keep having fantisies about, buying a Winter home... then I realize how hot it is here in the summer, and start thinking about a Summer home.... Then I start wondering why I live here in the first place... oh, hiking and the mountians.... Maybe Heber. All of this is fantisy...since I just about struggle to pay my bills every month. but its a fun daydream. and I am building real net worth. Regardless of the fact I'm broke most of the time... but it's by choice.

Sorry, what a lame post.

I did get on the bike today for about 15 minutes... I think I was dehydrated... and exhausted.. it's the weekend I should be able to get some time in.

I was wondering where I was going to get 30 hours a week to ride a bike this year;( 2x 5-8 hour rides, 3x 2-3 hour rides, Pluss prep time, and time to crash post ride. )

Optimisum

Everyone is so Pessimistic about politics... I always wonder how much anyone knows about politicians and their positions.....

Admittedly they are Lying, and only one small part of a larger political structure... So one candidate rarely makes a difference....

I think we are very lucky to have the remaining 3 candidates.

McCain.... I've always agreed that the inherent problem in politics is the system... and McCain has been fighting the lobbyists, and all the nasty money that has come into the political system and corrupted it. Regardless of his individual positions on issues, this is the Underlying CANCER in our political system... and if he can make headway against that, it will be worth 3 Hillary's, in the long term.

Obama is amazing, and I love to hear him speak, and we will all be lucky to have chances to hear him speak over the following months. He has a vision for the future, not shown by a politician since JFK.... But that doesn't' mean that America has the Attention span to listen for longer than 5 seconds.

Hillary is Hillary.... Who knows what she believes... but it's probably good for the country. Regardless of how disingenuous she seems.

some great prose

i hate having my weekends booked.
the pta and girlscouts are sucking
at my nipples.
hungry and greatful.

if i can make it thru cookie
season...

A dear friend of mine sent me this. I thought it was great.

Klimt... I have a new fascination with Gustav Klimt.. some of his stuff is ..... ok...

but there are some amazing images

Yep... insomnia again.... I'm going to have to work on these stomach problems.

Maybe if I eat chalk.

Philosophy

medicine

Jurisprudence

A picture from the road.

It snowed most the day then cleared up... and I suited up and got on the bike. It gave me a good chance to get the bike 95% dialed.... which also gave my poor worthless ass a chance to rest. Heart pounding, Lung burning.... 7 miles.... I know... I know. It was something.

I wonder if I can do protein powder and green tea mix?

Can't sleep again

I didn't manage to workout... I'm sore... long day... excuse excuse excuse.....

I just watch "in the valley of Ellah" it was worth seeing, it made me wee-pie a little... or I'm in a mood.

I could use a beer.

oh..... I like to vote... I enjoy it... doing my civic duty.... Exercising my citizenship's...

we couldn't get a luckier break than to have it be "obama, Hillary, and McCain"

but obama is an amazing speaker, and if we can get America to listen to him for 5 minutes he could win them over.

Politics

I need to find/verify where I vote today. I commented to someone, if we are looking at a 70's super-cycle recession.... and you pull from that early war/recession playbook, The presidential nominee, that promises to pull out of the war, will win. This nominee, if they don't follow through on that promise, then becomes the 2000 version of Richard Nixon.

For those of you who don't generally follow my overall philosophy..... "History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."

yep

Got my 2 hours of sleep... now I'm back awake. My workout exhausted myself, and I may have gone to bed too early.

And in the land of "how is your digestive tract"? indigestion.... Sounds like I need to change my diet figure out what to eat that isn't spicy...... I lovs me some spicy food.

Well, I just ate some yogurt... seems like it's working.

I also just dumped all my network training stuff. I know I can get it back, but..... feels like a big step.....

for those of you keeping track at home.... I've sort of given up doing network support, for doing this stupid stock market thing... I understand... I just hate network support, and was going to have to make the choice to work for "The Man"... and you don't have the slightest idea how badly me and "The Man" get along.....

He wants me to work my ass off, for little pay, bairly enough to pay bills. No respect, poor work environment. Then he works to nickle and dime me. or other insulting ways to get more money out of me.... When realy, as hard as I work... "the Man" needs to be doing every thing he can to make my life easier, so I can get more done.

there is my rant.

Progress reports

I do this for me.... not that I answer to anyone but myslefe.

1. I managed an hour on the bike....5 min stretch... 10 minute warmup 30 minutes on the rollers... with prep and rest time... it's like an hour.
2. 30 min yoga.... One of these days I'll make it through the whole program.... it would help if I took a longer break between the bike then yoga.
3. only 2 hours of vid game today... probably more before bed... or maybe I'll read.

• I need to do some organization, my work out clothing is in one hell of a mess.
• I need to do some work stuff... chart-astrology.
• I feel much better after clearing that crappy superbowl food out of my system.... I'm not sure if it's steriods in the meat or sugar, or just all the fat... Just makes me feel crappy.

late night Tea insomnia

... I got the joy of hanging out with the family for a little superbowl action. I've decided over that past few years that I don't enjoy the presense of my sister... just one of a long litany of people who's presense I don't enjoy.

Well... Damn... Stocks start trading at 4 or I get up at 4 to start that nonsense. I could use some more sleep.

Civil war.

I umn.......(you know, I blog that allot... Guess you have to understand that .... this blog is stream of thought.... pauses are (......).... and I just go with it).... So.... Oh, I remember...

I'm watching a fairly good documentary about the Civil war... it's the Ken Burns one. I never knew how excited I could be about the civil war. It's a damn fine documentary.

For those of you who don't know, I am quiet a connoisseur of documentaries. I guess it's how I counter to my current lack of ability to dig through a book.... not that I'm not quite well read... it's just tough.

Though the documentary is short long drawn out reenactments, with a narrative. That is your typical documentary, this one is told mostly through pictures from the time.... I always wonder if the pictures have anything to do with the story being told... For all I know they could be showing pictures of Shiloh... When talking about gettysburg.

Bad news

I'm addicted to my nemesis, video games. Roman Total war.

it feeds my desire to be a military general, and global conquest. I umn.... Ussally this ends with me deleting it. I've been looking for a distraction, lately. I should have picked up a guitar, or harmonica.

Basically I spent my weekend playing it... I will track my battle with this addiction on the blog. I keep hoping I'll start reading. my problem with reading is that; first I read on my computer almost all day. Second I've read way to many technical manuals... reading has lost it's charm....

But, I'm going to keep working on it...

maybe I can come up with some other ways to mellow out.