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1am

I just woke up with those 1am sweats. Needed to pee Too(just to overshare), It also crossed my mind that I'm fortunate I don't piss all over my floor sometimes. Maybe that is better phrased, I'm suprised I don't.

A big glass of water will sort all this out... Maybe I'll shower, Maybe I'll open my door and let some of that cool decadent air conditioning into my room... Seems like a hot night.

--My God, it's hot. Stepped out of the shower and started sweating again. Is it still burning? Jesus, it's bigger. What is it? --It's the Seawater Inn. My family used to eat dinner there twenty-five years ago. Now somebody's touched it to clear the lot. --It's a shame. --My history is burning up out there.

you're not too smart are you? i like that in a man.

If you havn't seen that movie, You have to see it. It alows you to realize why William Hurt and Kathlene Turner didn't spend their lives Fliping Burgers.
Have I ever let you all in on my theory that Air conditioning is part of the reason for the obesity epidemic, Nobody would allow themselves to get into the 300 pound range if there wasn't air conditioning.... Either that or they would just die.

Just to let you all in on how stupid my sister is, She didn't have air conditioning for a few years. I asked her how she did that? she had this huge ritual, to lock in cool air in the morning. Then it all creshendoed with "Then if I don't move around all day, it's fine"

There is a great Nova about the "First Flower", Super interesting. It never occured to me how important the way flowers reproduce was to the way our entire ecosystem developed.

I'm dying to know what I posted last night...... If I read it, I'll probably take it down... and that wouldn't be any fun now would it...

Hmmm How about that shower.

Elias was a Crusader

And if the Machine Breaks down, we break down, and I ain't going to allow that.

Me, drunky Drunk Drunk... but I'm home, and in bed, ready to pass out. I've rehydrate, taken my vitamins... it's 8pm...

I figure in my drunken stupor, it's probably time for me to throw my "A" blog game down.

I imagine some of the new Folks ask:
"why the affection for "the mop", that blog seems distracted and scattered... I just don't get it"

Well... I'd like to imagine Game on: here we are, Middle of growing season, mid cycling season... It's time to throw down.

"I'd like to hear about it Pot Heads, you boys take this shit to escape from reality, I AM REALITY"

Sometimes... I hope that nobody thinks I talk about my ideal life... I suffer... They say "I only teach "Suffering, and the Elevation of suffering". I sit, every day.... Work 8-16 hours a day... with maybe 2-4 hours of decompression, Repeat.... I mentioned today, that I hate Financial advisers, Social Scientists, Myopic Jesus worshipers(sorry... love to the Jesus worshipers, sorry you don't get Evolution.(in your nomenclature," to those who more is blessed more is expected, and to those who less is blessed, less expected".... So... Love to all of you, Please I understand... it's a Mad mad world)... And I totally get it... so really... One Love.

"we walk a narrow path between divinity and trickery"

For the past year I'd like to think that I've achieve some clarity, with a sort of emphasis for 'finding my bliss' and Accepting the reality which is, there for all to experience, and few to see.... I like to convince myself that I have of an ability to glimpses "Reality" and Peer through the illusion which Haunts us all.... As you read this, and think "well I'm plenty caught up in reality. this Mother is a nut job"...
Just as a Mental exercise.. one can consider that the more concrete one be lives their reality is, the more dis-connected one probably is from Reality. The only constant in the universe is change, A concrete universe is only The most subject to the Greatest shattering of all it's illusions.....

"you all loved elias,....you all want to kick ass... well here I am all bye my lonesome, ain't nobody going say nothing."



"death, what do you all know about death!"


And As I reflect on this post, It reminds me of Icarus... and a warning to not fly too close to the sun........

and I am Humbled...... I know nothing. And remember .... the enemy is always "within ourselves"

MYGN

EWT for MYGN...
this is in a third wave. There are no indicators of a wave 4 yet. I could sugjest that wave 3 could end at say 60 then wave 4 correct... I would sugjest that it has another 6 dollars in it then maybe wave 4 correct.... that is 10%

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The today show

Why is Erin Burnett hauled on tv as some kind of economics expert. That is an impressive show of ignorance.

She just reported that I use 25 barrels of oil a day. BTW that is 1250 gallons per day 426,520 gallons of oil per year.... apparently I'm drinking it.

Hey Erin.... Years are different than days. Hey NBC universal, Get someone who knows something to misinform your audience.... I mean, do it right... Get Kudlow, at least his slight of hand is interesting.

Erin, Learn some humility, you like most of us, know very little, your troll like statements of fact, show how very little you actually know.

The Swindle

4 Burke Swindlehurst (Bissell Pro Cycling Team) 0.18

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Update

I figured I'd update this blog on my "trying to find that woman from a million years ago" obviously those things are ridiculous.... but... she never e-mailed me back after her initial response.

I decided not to chase, seemed like a waist of energy... and I don't have much time for that kind of nonsense any more... someone doesn't want me in their life these days. I don't have any interest in putting any energy into it..

which seems obvious.

U.S. Golf Open

So, I'm sitting here watching the playoff between rocco somebody, and Tiger...

I umn..... I Hate Golf...... I tried to like it...... I'm strung fairly tight, which explains why it's not something that appeals to me.

It seems to be about relaxing... and I'm more likely to break my clubs..... and I refused to drop $400 on clubs.

What did Mark Twain say.... Perfectly good way to ruin a nice walk.

But this is a great play off. I guess, I do wish I could enjoy golf... seems like that would be nice.

The last 2 games I played, One I took a solid beating from a guy I can't stand. The other I played with my brother, gave him a solid beating, and was miserable the whole time. I couldn't wait to get off the course. Some of that could be be because my brother picks the worst courses...

Golf is like exercise, without an increased heart rate...

the other blog

I keep posting to the other blog....

I'm not going to link it but.

themopinator.blogspot.com

The more personal posts Are getting posted here...

I wish I had enough motivation to post them at both places

Yes Virginia, there is no Santa Claus

... I'm a huge fan of veggie burgers, they have grown on me. I'm even so ridiculous I almost prefer them over actual burgers....

I'm not sure what I'm doing.... You all know I have 3 blogs I'm currently maintaining actively.... The old blog is up... and I'm posting stuff to it. The good ones I'm trying to cross post... which is a bitch.

The thing is that Somethings arn't appropriate for some audiences.... and some stuff is just whining that I don't want to post to some blogs... or send to people in email.

Another problem is that I'm never sure what I have posted where.....

When I was 19 I moved to Taiwan and taught English. It was quite an eccentric move to be honest....I've always had in my mind that I should write a book about my experience.... The interesting thing, is that most books need a Theme/Concept.... some form of Moral that they share...... I always thought it would be better as a fiction.

I also think that a good story about the blog would be good too.... but I digress.

I'm not sure.... Maybe I started thinking about the book over the weekend... or when this happened I started thinking about that book. I was taking one of my infamous weekend naps... Ok they are only infamous in my mind. I woke up, with just a bug up my but to track down some of the people I met in those travels.

My first cyberstalking victim, was this sweet, attractive young lady(I was 19, she was 21 or so). and Now I know I'm old and ugly.... so..... I'm not sure what my point is. She was a little Smitten with me, and like a fool..... like the recurring fool that I am, I was never aggressive enough in pursuing it. Not that I actually know her all that well.....

I completely track her down, takes me a couple hours, a nice walk and a good cup of coffee. She is completely surprised, as one should be when someone you knew 15 years ago for a short time tracks you down......

Then I totally blow it, by banging out one of my Overwhelming emails.... some of you know about these.... i mean... You all know what it's like to read my blogs, and realize I have 3 of them. Pluss e-mail correspondence..... Point being, when I hit you with "What I Think", I literally Pull my brain out, drop it on the table, and show you all the little pieces.... Getting inside my head is like doing a self autopsy... with the patient talking you through it, and it can be charming, but it's an acquired taste

I guess it also shows, quite accurately what a lunatic I am.

Now I toil, do I break the social Etiquette of quid pro Que social interaction and just let her respond, or do I just Play it cool....

I'm currently leaning toward waiting a week, then I'll do the "sorry, I'm a goofy Loon email."

Liquer and food pairings.

I posted this to the other blog.....

.... Like every Lilly liped liberal, in his 30's, I'm getting into wine and food pairings.

Last night I realized what a miserable pairing 8 year old single malt is with PB&J...... Just so you know...

Tonight I realized what a nice pairing a cheep Box O' Wine is with

a Hot Dog.... Now, I did have Ketchup with it(which is strange, I'm a mustard guy).... So I may have to try that again.

I'll keep you posted.....

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PB&J.... Purgatory

..... The Chinese have a lot of hells..... I seem to have a lot of purgatories. Without regular exercise, I find it tough to sleep. I'd run but I'm so out of practice, it's hard on me to start up again.. and as I take it easy on my joints for some time, I don't get very great exercise.

It also means I don't get very good sleep.... I thought I got some great sleep yesterday night, and yet I was groggy and hazy all day.... then I take naps.... then I don't sleep very well.....

Repeat until exhausted.... and it's only Wednesday.

Umn.... Lets hope this puts this old horse to bed...

Day of the dead

.... I generaly have to do a review of the zombie movies I see....

Day of the dead.... went straight to video. Someone decided to add fast zombies to the dead series... Now, I'm ok with the faster zombies... but scientificly, it's hard to get around rigermortis. So when they start acting like spiderman... it's worth a mention.

They also use romero's name in vain.

It has Nick Cannon... who is big in japan I think. and the chick from American Beauty... but most noteable

AnnaLynne McCord

All and all it was ok, my expectations via the remake of dawn of the dead were probably too high, it wasn't stupid enough or good enough.... either one. I think Plane of the living dead was better...

...... When we were Young

... I weighed my self today... things are neutral.... I'm good with that, need to slow it down a bit. I can get crazy with my diets, and I'm completely fatigued.

I liked pink floyd when they were all borderline neuvo-Jazz... Freeform hula-bollue.... So, I'm digging it cat's and Kittens....

I'm really filled with Haze... Maybe I'm not hydrating enough... I'm blaming my weekend of scotch and beer.... which I want more of....

problem is, I'm not as focused on the market. The diet and the lack of exercise arn't helping.

On the financial front... I am killing it... Except I put a Little position against oil a few days ago... thinking we were going from 115 to 100.... Well for those of you who don't keep track of the price of oil... instead of it going Down As I bet... it made a record $122 today. and Gas was up .05 per gallon...... based on weeks of a stronger dollar and large builds in supply.

Strangly during all this I purchased some stock in Exxon..... I'm just letting Crystal know, she works for me now.... at least for the time being.

Everyday

... The market closes, and I have to pick up the pieces. Long days that start at 4am and go till 6pm 14 hours of Tick by Tick purgatory.

And I'm frustrated by this bike thing. I'm tempted to start my own web site and distribute Pillar Spokes. They arn't all that special. I'm starting to think there is some kind of bike maffia Cartel keeping me from buying the spokes.

"The way of the bodhisattva"

"The way of the bodhisattva" is an Indian Text Composed 12 centuries ago. It's a Text on the usual Buddhist Theme... The Alleviation of Suffering.

According to my readings to write a commentary on it, you either need and advanced spiritual realization or be directed in a dream. I have no idea what an advanced Spiritual Realization is. But It did occur to me in bed to Blog this baby out, as a better way to my understanding of it.....
But, maybe I just read the preceding and then made the rest up in my mind......

Let me just diverge here, I'm a huge fan of science, and I believe that the scientific method is the Single greatest Accomplishment of mankind. So, as I get into this spiritual stuff, and even when the Buddhists talk about Faith.... I don't buy it. I don't believe in Faith... I currently believe that Faith is a Dream like state of delusion, and that in my opinion to be "Awake" is to not suffer the Delusion of "Faith". Either something Is, or it Isn't.... Or we don't know...... we don't have "faith".

The single greatest thing about buddhism that I respect, is that one of the cannons is that you can't profit from it. My sense is that profiting from buddhism, creates a "Clouded intent", and then invalidates the teachings. It's also one of the reasons, you don't find many people "pushing" it.

Another interesting thought I always have is that.... To be honest, it's easy to be a monk in a monastery.... It's out in the World that it gets sticky....

It looks like besides this I don't have time to actually get into the readings.....

We will see what tomorrow holds...

Hell of the upside down Sinner.

... The weekend of Drinking... Only slight in it's magnitude, but significant, on a relative basis. Well, it has me topsy turvy.





I have started a reading on "the way of the Bodhisattva".. Bodhi-Awakened. Sattva-Being.





It could be the "Unclarity" that came from the drinking, but it's being a hard read, or the book isn't all that well written.... or the first chapter is written in a rushed or poor manner.





In my ideal world, I'd like to work through it in stages, as a meditation on my blog....





These are the times I like my blog, I can't sleep... and I'm sitting here in the Semi-dark, collecting my thoughts. Using my blog to do it.

This is "The Great Departure of Bodhisattva. a Tai painting from the 17th -18th century.

Apparently the Buddha referred to himself as a young person as a bodhisatta.... or a person Bound for enlightenment.... Hmmmm Maybe Bound Toward enlightenment.

Another Description of the Bodhisattva, is for the fairly enlightened who is using their energies to help to enlighten others.

Let me just share that, I'm not trying to sell anyone on anything.... I'm a Guy, in his room, listening to music, who can't sleep.... I'm doing some readings, and Blogging some thoughts on those readings.

Somewhere I heard that "We Write what we need to read"... maybe it's "We write what we want to Read"

I've decided to rename power lunch..... Crazy talk lunch...

The Great Swindle!!!!

2008 TOUR OF THE GILA Silver City, NM 5/4/2008 2:26:20 PMMEN PRO 1 Stage 5 ResultsPL TIME @ TIME B / P BIB # NAME TEAM HOMETOWN STATE LICENSE

1 4:37:13 0:00:00 - 00:15 101 Swindlehurst Burke BISSELL PRO CYCLING Salt Lake City UT USAC005122

2 4:37:14 0:00:01 - 00:10 59 Ladino Vega Gregorio TECOS Trek 45

3 4:37:59 0:00:46 - 00:05 21 Colby Anthony Colavita Sutter Home p/b Durango CO 118320

A Little Bitter Sweet ....

Sunday......

I feel very good right now.... I could use a cookie.... The Soup and salad and stress diet continues. I don't .......

I'm into falling asleep watching baseball.....

I just feel so normal today...... I want it to continue...... I want a hammock and a book...

Maybe I'll go kick some dirt in the garden...

Friday night....

I went to hop on my bike and Realized my rear wheel had become tragically untrue.... Knowing that this was going to escalate into a several hour fiasco of re-truing it, I started pulling it apart and realized that I had popped a spoke....

Then.... UGH.... It's looking like it's impossible to even find my spokes.... and I have 2 or 3 more that also need to be replaced. I'm thinking about replacing all of them, It never makes me happy to know that I somehow have specialized parts that it requires an act of god to get new ones, and that I'll be off my bike for weeks finding the parts...

Walk around

I did much walking today, Saturday is tough for me. Weekends are rough, It takes me so long to decompress. I decided that I'd be better served on Saturday. Sort of Taking it easy, but wandering around, Clearing my head.

It occurred to me, or I've been asking myself what ever happened to the people the Great Human beings who could build the Coliseum and have done so little since.

as I was walking under an underpass today, I realized all our engineering genius has gone to building underpasses and overpasses. These things are MASSIVE... It's ridiculous and for the cost, we could have an amphitheater in every city.

From Hell's heart

For some reason, I ended up in the heart of Consumer Hell... The shopping mall, with gas prices so high, I bet shopping mall traffic is higher.

I did get an ice cream... I did walk 10 miles, sure It's not on the diet...

I was surprised, the food court, had a Dairy queen(owned by Warren Buffet.... as is sees candy). I got a small dipped cone, for $2 and I expected it to be... Tiny... It was HUGE!!.. I was quite happy about my indulgence.

Would you believe.

This is the first beer I've had in a while.... Well that's not true, I had One beer in my fridge, that was about 2 years old. I drank it about a week ago. But other than that, I bet it's been 3 months.

and then about 3 months before that. Christmas and Late Feb.

guess my next one will be Aug...

Well I did pick up a fair bottle of scotch.

This was cool today.

This is the path around little america.

Some nice gardening around there... a lot of water usage but it's nice.

Training charts again

Roughly, this is since I started riding again. I got serious about my diet about a week ago. I'm hitting about 3K calories per day, since the riding, 1500K if I don't.

• Breakfast Eggs and toast... or Granola and yogurt and fruit.
• Lunch is soup, or salad, maybe a sandwich.
• Light dinner, Soup, or some nice low calorie meal... heavy with fish... or vegetarian.
• I'll even have another soup or salad... sneak in a snack chips and salsa.. Whatever.
• 200 Calories in protein shake... I'm not afraid of carbs and if I get fatigued they are necessary... Can't get fit laying on the sofa.
  
  
  I took it easy on the bike today, it was cold and windy and relatively speaking I've done a bunch of miles lately.... Notice why it's good to have a scale that gives you Body water and fat%... even though they are inaccurate. Though I haven't dropped a pound, My TBW has gone way up. Which means the fat is down..... When I step on the scale.. if my TBW is down, so is my weight.... But it's nothing to worry about. I can be +/-15 pounds from where I am, and be anywhere from ridiculously fit, to squishy in the middle.

I also have some other cheats.

these charts are great though..... They put it all in real perspective.

One of these days....

I woke up this morning with this phrase in my head....

The end of it was .....I'm going to get some nice healthy sleep... like 8-10 hours.

then after feeding my head albert Hoffman Musings...

It reminded me of my misspent youth......

One of these days.......

LSD Inventor On His Final Trip

"Albert Hofmann, who died on Tuesday aged 102, synthesised lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) in 1938 and became the first person in the world to experience a full-blown acid trip.... Hofmann was disappointed when his discovery was removed from commercial distribution. He remained convinced that the drug had the potential to counter the psychological problems induced by 'materialism, alienation from nature through industrialisation and increasing urbanisation, lack of satisfaction in professional employment in a mechanised, lifeless working world, ennui and purposelessness in wealthy, saturated society, and lack of a religious, nurturing, and meaningful philosophical foundation of life.'"

Training

Finally the weather here has eased up..... I've created some charts... I'm going to track changes as a Ratio.

As I've picked up my athletic endeavors.... You notice my Fat% hasn't gone up, but my Weight has... Also tracked will be my daily miles, as a ratio with my average daily miles.

I'm hoping my posting this will keep me on track... It's going to be tough to put in serious miles.... but......
I'm also going to have to create a daily average, and measure 3 times a day.. I'll sort it out.

These were sooooooooo Fucking good

Kick ass Lasagna.... with no heartburn...
And..... and better if you add some spicy ground ancho peppers to the Tofu.
Me no vegitarian..... But...I'm not afraid of Tofu. all part of improving my diet.

Vegitarian(not vegan) lasagna. from here

12 whole-wheat lasagna noodles
2. 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
3. 3 cloves garlic, minced
4. 1 (14 ounce) package extra-firm water-packed tofu, drained, rinsed and crumbled
5. 3 cups chopped spinach
6. 1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
7. 2 tablespoons finely chopped Kalamata olives
8. 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
9. 1/4 teaspoon salt
10. 1 (14 ounce) jar marinara sauce, preferably lower-sodium, divided
11. 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
Nutrition Info
Per Serving
· Calories: 386 kcal
· Carbohydrates: 42 g
· Dietary Fiber: 6 g
· Fat: 15 g
· Protein: 24 g
· Sugars: 1 g
About: Nutrition Info
Powered by: ESHA Nutrient Database
2. Cooking Directions
1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain, rinse, return to the pot and cover with cold water until ready to use.
2. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 20 seconds. Add tofu and spinach and cook, stirring often, until the spinach wilts and the mixture is heated through, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl; stir in Parmesan, olives, crushed red pepper, salt and 2/3 cup marinara sauce.
3. Wipe out the pan and spread 1 cup of the remaining marinara sauce in the bottom. To make lasagna rolls, place a noodle on a work surface and spread 1/4 cup of the tofu filling along it. Roll up and place the roll, seam-side down, in the pan. Repeat with the remaining noodles and filling. (The tofu rolls will be tightly packed in the pan.) Spoon the remaining marinara sauce over the rolls.
4. Place the pan over high heat, cover and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to medium; let simmer for 3 minutes. Sprinkle the rolls with mozzarella and cook, covered, until the cheese is melted and the rolls are heated through, 1 to 2 minutes. Serve hot.

bike ride

yep, made it out today.. the weather was amazing.... I sweat even, and if I wasn't being a nice guy, I would have dropped some dude... and it may have required a heart attack... being on a reasonable diet has me 24/7 fatigued... but it's the smart move..

now if I can get out on the bike again tomorrow, that would be nice.

Yep, that is about it.

Hi, blog. How are you doing?

blog, "Can't sleep again?"

me, " yep "

" why?"

"yep.... I keep asking myself that."

"hmmm"

"yep, it sucks...... I could really use some sleep but I did just spell "Really" correctly for the first time in my life...... No kidding, I'm a one L speller of really."

"Fascinating"

"Interesting thing is I'm very tired, I messed up and took like a 2 hour nap at 7pm though.... that is where I messed up."

"definitely"

"Sometimes I just can't stop from sleeping if I need it. It's the weekend so what the heck... I was thinking that I could take a bunch of money and go to Thailand for a few months... maybe even for a year.... not sure where that would lead....."

" Trouble most likely....."

" What I'd like to do is just go for 2 weeks.... but I was just feeling like a dirty old man today... If I went I bet that is how I'd feel......."

"that doesn't sound nice"

"well I think I'm going to lay fitfully back under the covers, and wonder...."

Movie

So, I saw deception.... it was one of those twisty turny thrillers.....

it wasn't as bad as It could have been... but it wasn't great...

I get this thing about movies some times, I see a relationship develop in a movie..... and I don't buy it.. I mean Ya.... She is Very hot. but why does she love him.... they didn't talk about anything, didn't have anything in common.... in fact she said nothing about herself.....

and when she is the big driving force for the movie. I just don't get it.

iron man

this looks like a terrible movie

I didn't buy this book

I spent some of my saturday afternoon cruzing/stalking chicks at the bookstore...... I may have to escelate to the library soon... or maybe I'm book shopping.

Nerding out

I have completely nerded out on google doc's and their blog integration... I'd show this blog, but i have nothing to spreadsheet... maybe when I accelerate to presentations.



I wish I didn't want to spend about 400 hours on it.... Just another thing to add to my very busy life.... But heck... what should I be doing... Watching TV?



It's way past my bed time... but I'm being good about getting up at 7am instead of 2am...



Also, i got a bike ride in today..... Yes, thank you for the encouragement..... I'm hoping to just mellow out, try and do just a small ride everyday... since I can't do more, and Well it's a good way to go.... even if It's just a few miles, it will be good to just get into a rhythm. regardless of the quality... and I may manage to not hurt myself.

don't ask why I have a picture of a junkie..... but hey... I gave you a picture... shut up...

Basil, and some chamomile

Some of that basil isn't comming up very well

Termaters....aka tomatos

compost pile

That pile is breaking down... it was much larger a week ago... even though you have no scale

Mojo

I'm noticing every one's mojo is off...... because it's so damn cold.... I've decided.... It's late april... there is a possibility of snow 3 times in the next 7 days...

I have the heater on in the greenhouse.....

green Tea Dragon

...... I'm trying to become a green tea connoisseur.... seems like a slightly improved stimulant to coffee(less Shakes)......

So, I picked up about 4 different types at the Chinese Grocer.... I love the Chinese grocer... Did I ever mention I lived in asia for a bit........ But....

I joked about how I needed to remove the "Stems and Seeds" from one of them.... This very same one, keeps being like Licking a Dragon's Balls..... I can smell it coming out my pores all day...... Maybe it just smells like a darker green tea.... Maybe I'll start looking into White Teas....

I just think I'm being a Pansie.

Movie Review

Flight of the Living dead.

Hopefully we all know what a huge fan of zombie movies I am.....

I was thinking this was going to be a shit ripoff..

But from the B-list Actors. to the decent effects...

Zombies on a plane...... Not bad.

I was even thinking that a movie this bad was going to need more Strong sexual content...

It's no dawn of the dead or day of the dead.... but... better than bees on a plane AKA Flying Virus

Gemma Hayes

She is cute..... Shoot me.... My new obsession... wonder how long this will last

more blogging

I'm not sure why I'm blogging..... I think I have an overabundance to whine about.

But.... I'm sick of eggs, I eat them every morning...... I'm very sick of them..... Every morning I wake up..... and think.... what shall I have for breakfast.... and I think.... Eggs... and I realize I've eaten a thousand eggs over the past year.... Then I think... I could have pancakes... but that would suck.... Cereal.... Well, I've been eating cereal for ever day for the past 2 weeks that I've been sick of Eggs... so Now I"m sick of eggs and Cereal.

Hell with Oatmeal.

That is it... I think I'll have soup or a sandwich.

Me and my Fucked up Ch'I

If the story about my interaction with the Mormon boys doesn't show how much my Mojo is off.... That and my near Refusal to get on my bike... I had a moment today when I said "if I was riding my bike, this would be a good time."... I guess that is a step.



Time is killing me, It probably has been the Tumor that has been climbing up my spine for about 4 years.... You know, you turn 30 and think there is all the time in the world... Suddenly... it's like the hourglass, that is your life..... Well you sort of look at it and realise that there isn't quite as much on the top of the hourglass as there used to be... In fact, it's not Mostly full anymore, it's just "Somewhat" full.



With the Wind Beating the crap out of me, out in the garden all weekend, Having me resort to sucking my thumb Indoors, CLEANING... With my weekend. After not having my Gardening Crutch to get my shit back together after a long week, I sort of ended up coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually quite an angry asshole lately...... I do know that I've been primarily an angry asshole, for significant portions of the past decade.... It has been getting better, but stress seems to be letting that Monster back out of the Bag.

This weekend I actually managed to call a former associate, a Stoner Freak, Who had primarily Destroyed their brain being stoned with most of their life..... If Y'all really knew me, you would know that that is very much the Pot calling the Kettle black from my College years. It's also not helping me, be more... .Relaxed that I've mostly stopped drinking....

I've been enjoying going to Yard sales on the weekend.... What is a guy who thinks getting up at 7am is sleeping in, do with his Saturday, but check out yard sales... I did pick up a wine rack, Interesting thing is that I think that Wine is for Pretentious Dip-shits.... I'm thinking about filling it with bourbon, maybe wine shaped bottles of liquor....

I mentioned my desire to get more, at one with my inner .... Marques. It actually remind me of the Girlfriend who gave me that book... Which brought back and entire Tide of ..... Open wounds and Scab places to poke at.... But.... I don't really find life all that easy.... I find building and fixing things easy.... All the rest of it, is hard..... There is a story about Daniel Day Lewis, That to get him to do the roll in Gangs of New York, the directors had to find him, somewhere in europe, where he had started a career as a cobbler, and they had to trick him into coming back to the United states to get him to do the movie..... One would think that you could just do that..... Go to spain and learn to build shoes.... I don't think you can.... I Just don't think that it's that I'm defeating that concept, or that I just couldn't live within my Means....

It's not that I particularly am trying to "Get Rich"...... I'm sure, at a point of making money expand in that fucking wall street shell game. My inner slacker will take hold, and I'll blow my cash on Hookers or bubblegum or something.... As much disdain as I have for the "Wall Streeters".... For the most part, they work their ass off ripping each-other off..... It really is a tough racket.

And as frugal as I've been for a very long time now.... There are just a ton of things piling up that need to be dealt with..... I noticed my Cycling shoes had a Crack in the Sole, I keep having computer problems... with numerous different systems....

at one point the duct tape and superglue I'm keeping my life together with will dissolve into nothing.... and I'll have to start investing in the future, or shit will just decay into massive piles of gray Tape......

Habanero Jam

.... Funny it would be mentioned, I have 2 flats of Hab's (half red, half orange), in the greenhouse now..... Messed up thing is that I still have almost an entire case 20 bottles or so, left of the 2006 Habanero Jam... And still another case of Habanero garlic. And I took some to some friends I hadn't seen for over a year.. This weekend.

For some reason, some of it isn't as set up as it was....

But it is good stuff... On a cracker with cream cheese, on Pork, or Beef.... it's good on Eggs, toast...(with toast you just have to sort of Wave the knife over the top of the bread without touching it, sort of)

What I'm psyched for, Is for Cheese sandwiches with Fresh Tomato's and/or peppers in them.

One of these days it will be spring...

whole wide world

When I was a young boy

My mama said to me

There's only one girl in the world for you

And she probably lives in Tahiti

I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world

Just to find her

Or maybe she's in the Bahamas

Where the Carribean sea is blue

Weeping in a tropical moonlit night

Because nobody's told her 'bout you

I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world

Just to find her

I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world

Find out where they hide her

Why am I hanging around in the rain out here

Trying to pick up a girl

Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears

When there're girls all over the world

Is she lying on a tropical beach somewhere

Underneath the tropical sunPining away in a heatwave there

Hoping that I won't be long

I should be lying on that sun-soaked beach with her

Caressing her warm brown skin

And then in a year or maybe not quite

We'll be sharing the same next of kinI'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her

I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world

Find out where they hide her

Have I mentioned...

I think I've always wanted my life to be a Gabriel Garcia marques book. Seems to be my life's work..... One may think that I'd be able to just BE..... Life though isn't all that easy. I have been thinking about moving to brazil.... maybe that will help. Seems inconsistent with my attempts to be Extremely rich.

I .... umn was watching a documentary on people in Fiji, talking about how poor they were. But sometimes when you look at it... people aren't as poor as it seems, some people with wealth, are much poorer than those without it. As a life, simple things better enjoyed... are better than the constant quest for a better life through Objects.... I don't know, it's hard to express... .but probably easier than I'm making it.

More greenhouses

Sometimes

Sometimes Blog, It's just me and you. Late at night, A late Coffee ment to keep me from falling over, now has me awake with heartburn......



sitting here.... Hoping to be asleep...



I think with my Economic stimulus, I'll be buying a bottle of scotch..... Primaraly I've stoped drinking. It's interesting to live without my secret sedative....



So, here I am midnight..... unable to sleep....



I want to vomit up my week....

Decompression time

.... I'm absolutely wiped out, by the time Friday is here... I'm the Walking dead. I went to the bookstore... searching for some books about dow theory or about... gardening.

I walked home, I needed some exercise.
On the way I ran into some Mormon missionaries. I made no Eye contact, it was clear that I had no interest in them.

Them "Excuse me,"
Me, "Hey, I'm sorry I'm not interested, just keep moving down the road."
Them, "But....."
Me, "Listen, I don't know you... you have no right to even talk to me."
Them, "We were only trying to ...."
Me, " I know exactly what you were trying to do."
Them, "If there is anything we can do."
Me, "Yes, Get the hell moving down the road."

Nothing worse than the Spiritual version of a Used Car Salesmen, trying to convince me to believe in Unicorns.

You have new Picture Mail!

dinner

I need to get that picture of the massive pile of manure...

I'm very tired to day, It's mental exhaustion... It's thursday... one more day of trading, then I can recover.

Web 2.0

So, Like every red blooded American, I pay bills 3 times a month. I'd do it once, but I hate some of my Vendors, so I pay a couple on the day due. To make sure they get as little interest as possible on my money.

Lately, I've noticed that I keep getting in trouble, because when I go to pay a bill. Some web site or another is having trouble..... Then I'm scrambling to send a payment by mail, or other method.

I'm just pointing out what seems like Web 2.0... falling apart. and companies achieving one 9 downtime... that is 9% outages.

technology, isn't it grand.

Uber greenhouse

I was looking for some plants, Greenhouses are amazing