If the story about my interaction with the Mormon boys doesn't show how much my Mojo is off.... That and my near Refusal to get on my bike... I had a moment today when I said "if I was riding my bike, this would be a good time."... I guess that is a step.
Time is killing me, It probably has been the Tumor that has been climbing up my spine for about 4 years.... You know, you turn 30 and think there is all the time in the world... Suddenly... it's like the hourglass, that is your life..... Well you sort of look at it and realise that there isn't quite as much on the top of the hourglass as there used to be... In fact, it's not Mostly full anymore, it's just "Somewhat" full.
With the Wind Beating the crap out of me, out in the garden all weekend, Having me resort to sucking my thumb Indoors, CLEANING... With my weekend. After not having my Gardening Crutch to get my shit back together after a long week, I sort of ended up coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually quite an angry asshole lately...... I do know that I've been primarily an angry asshole, for significant portions of the past decade.... It has been getting better, but stress seems to be letting that Monster back out of the Bag.
This weekend I actually managed to call a former associate, a Stoner Freak, Who had primarily Destroyed their brain being stoned with most of their life..... If Y'all really knew me, you would know that that is very much the Pot calling the Kettle black from my College years. It's also not helping me, be more... .Relaxed that I've mostly stopped drinking....
I've been enjoying going to Yard sales on the weekend.... What is a guy who thinks getting up at 7am is sleeping in, do with his Saturday, but check out yard sales... I did pick up a wine rack, Interesting thing is that I think that Wine is for Pretentious Dip-shits.... I'm thinking about filling it with bourbon, maybe wine shaped bottles of liquor....
I mentioned my desire to get more, at one with my inner .... Marques. It actually remind me of the Girlfriend who gave me that book... Which brought back and entire Tide of ..... Open wounds and Scab places to poke at.... But.... I don't really find life all that easy.... I find building and fixing things easy.... All the rest of it, is hard..... There is a story about Daniel Day Lewis, That to get him to do the roll in Gangs of New York, the directors had to find him, somewhere in europe, where he had started a career as a cobbler, and they had to trick him into coming back to the United states to get him to do the movie..... One would think that you could just do that..... Go to spain and learn to build shoes.... I don't think you can.... I Just don't think that it's that I'm defeating that concept, or that I just couldn't live within my Means....
It's not that I particularly am trying to "Get Rich"...... I'm sure, at a point of making money expand in that fucking wall street shell game. My inner slacker will take hold, and I'll blow my cash on Hookers or bubblegum or something.... As much disdain as I have for the "Wall Streeters".... For the most part, they work their ass off ripping each-other off..... It really is a tough racket.
And as frugal as I've been for a very long time now.... There are just a ton of things piling up that need to be dealt with..... I noticed my Cycling shoes had a Crack in the Sole, I keep having computer problems... with numerous different systems....
at one point the duct tape and superglue I'm keeping my life together with will dissolve into nothing.... and I'll have to start investing in the future, or shit will just decay into massive piles of gray Tape......
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